bulanbiru: Bangkok Dangerous

On 22 May 2014, Thai military seized control of Thailand, and imposed martial law and a nationwide curfew. Bangkok had never looked so dangerous.

Thankfully we're in Malaysia, a purportedly peaceful country. We had absolutely nothing to worry about, except for petty issues like reckless drivers, taxi drivers, Whats App, house break-ins, bank break-ins, political break-outs, crony contracts, water rationing, snatch thefts, Astro, GST, price hikes, diesel smuggling, illegal immigrants, legal immigrants, May 13, Sabah kidnappings.

So should we worry about Thailand? We should. Why? We're planning to go to Bangkok on 24 May, that's why. Five days, four nights with the army, guns, tanks, mortars, bombs and tear gas didn't sound like a mouth-watering prospect. No question, we're very worried. We had with us eleven Air Asia confirmed tickets for flight to Bangkok on that date, non-refundable, non-exchangeable, non-transferable. We're nonplussed.

Why eleven tickets? Because it's eleven of us. Me, wife and our two girls, a sister-in-law, a niece, a brother-in-law, his wife and their three kids. Magnificent eleven. The big question was, Should we go ahead with our plan? Or should we activate a plan B? Did we have a plan B? We'd bought the tickets two months ago and they're dirt cheap because Air Asia had spies with the Thai army and they knew about the coup as early as 2012. That's why they priced the tickets so low: RM204 return. Coup d'etat specials. Compare that with RM1204 one way if you want to fly to Lahad Datu just to be with all those Sulu soldiers.

The Foreign Ministry people issued the normal cover-their-asses travel advisory: cancel all plans to travel to Thailand, and travel to Ottawa instead. TV3 rep who was in Bangkok, embedded in the army tanks and throngs of protesters, had this advice for us: Don't come to Bangkok. She's happy and smiling in Bangkok and we shouldn't be in Bangkok.

Among the eleven of us, three were school girls, two college girls, five boys and girls above 50 years old (including one above 60, you know who), leaving only one 19-year old boy who's technically able and ready to fight the Thai army if we had to. The odds were heavy. Should chaos and clashes break out in Bangkok, who's going to save us? Corrupt monks?

Finally we drew up a plan B. So Plan A was: Go to Bangkok. Plan B was: Go to Bangkok. Decision: Go to Bangkok.

Problem was, we're too negative. We must think lateral, outside the box, blue ocean, and consider the upsides: the army keeps the streets safe. Protesters have gone home. Curfew starts at 10, so my brother-in-law can't sneak out, his wife should be happy. Hotel room prices are rock bottom. Manicures are free with massages. Smelly backpackers are few and far. Best of all, it's a dream outing for our school girls, I mean, they'd been studying their hearts out, days and nights, non stop, LOOOOL. There's no better time to hit Bangkok.

So we went to Bangkok on Saturday, 24 May. From Don Mueang low-cost airport we headed straight to Pattaya low-cost city, two hours by road. Our itinerary was flexible. If Bangkok behaved, it's one day in Pattaya and three days in Bangkok with day trips to Ayutthaya and Floating Market. If Bangkok turned ugly, it's one day in Pattaya and three days in...... Pattaya, we skip Bangkok.

You'd be hard-pressed to find a livelier and more vibrant town than Pattaya. The only industry here is entertainment, all kinds, you name it. We're given rooms that faced a best-selling bar with loud music and laser lights that blared and glared with nerve-numbing intensity. Luckily everything had to drop dead at 10, when curfew kicked in. Ha, ha.

Just for the record, we had a lovely tomyam dinner at a food court in a nearby mall. The waiter was friendly and there's no communication breakdown. He's from Kelantan.

Turned out, Bangkok was beautiful, no army, no tanks, no Molotov cocktails. Only go-go girls and lady-boys. Our base camp was Omni Tower, about 400m into Soi (Lane) 4, off the world-famous Sukhumvit Road, where 99% of the population were transient tourists. To reach our hotel, you've to literally navigate through blasts of high-energy music and spinning lights and rows of randy bars with pole dancers and, you guess, go-go girls. Our schoolgirls screamed with delight. I'd to literally calm down my brother-in-law. The 19-year old guy was quietly making plans to come again, without his mom and pop. Clever boy.

Chatuchak Sunday market was brimming over with real people and fake stuff. MRT and Skytrain rides were pleasant, without curious Banglas and Indons watching. We'd to buy 11 tickets each time, creating long queues and commotion every time. Our station was named Nana, but you've to say it with the right tone and tune. If you miss one note, the locals would think that you're asking for a body massage. Hotel was perfect, my brother-in-law and his wife had a room all to themselves. The half-day trip to the old capital city Ayutthaya was fun. The floating market at Damnoen Saduak turned out to be exactly what we'd expected: a floating market. Hahaha. The schoolgirls had a real dandy time, sleeping, giggling and eating in one big bed. What did you like best, girls? Lady-boys !

We flew back to KL on 28 May. In one piece.