Mindless Miscellany (No. 9)

We're into the last gasp of a frenetic 2011. The year just seems to be in a huge hurry to complete itself. Libya's back to the Libyans with Gadaffi now gone for good. If anything, his passing saves everyone the pain of figuring the right spelling for his name (Gadaffi, Ghadafi, Kadaffi, and 100 other variants). Europe is imploding as Germany plays Ah Long-in-chief. The US, well, never mind. Steve Jobs, the visionary, is now history. Man U mauled 6-1 by neighbours (just can't help). Yingluck is out of luck: she won Bangkok then lost it to the floods. Indonesia is holding on to its maids despite Malaysia's repeated promise of one mandatory rest day and six optional work days in a week. You don't have to trawl the world for a good laugh. There's plenty right here at home in Malaysia.

1. The Curious Case of The Hundred Handout

If you think Malaysia is overly kind to foreign maids, just consider what it's giving to its citizens: If you have a school-going child, and you or your child isn't an illegal immigrant, you'll get RM 100 in cool cash, no question asked. If you have five children and five Porsches, you'll get RM 500 (even if all your five Porsches are illegal). Of course, we, ever curious and suspicious, have some questions now: Is this black money? Is this one-off? Can we use the money to buy a condo? Can we still vote for Elizabeth Wong?

2. Tired Teachers?

Minister of Education recently advised the MOE staff to ease off a bit. They should find time to relax, exercise, destress, breathe, live and so on. MOE has a staff of 500,000, hard to believe. What comes to mind is the teachers. Are they working too hard? Based on my calculation, the total number of schooldays in 2011 is 180, as against 185 non-schooldays (i.e. holidays). More holidays than working days in one year. And that 180 includes unproductive schooldays like Sports Day, Before Sports Day, After Sports Day, Teachers' Day, Hari Kantin, Jogathon, floods, Malaysia Cup Champions etc. I know teaching is tiring and stressful, but it's only half a year. Plenty of time to rest and recover. No issue here.

3. Ah, Kelantanese Again

A genetics study on the Malay race by Universiti Sains Malaysia (USM) confirmed what I'd long suspected: that Kelantan Malays were the first to set foot in Peninsular Malaysia, some 60,000 years ago. My formal training in history or anthropology is limited to the History Channel and Masterchef, but 60,000 years seems such a long time ago. Or is it a gross misprint or miscount, and it's actually 6,000 or even 600 years? 60,000 or 6,000, I'm just delighted. Being Kelantanese has never felt this good. Now I've the bragging rights over friends who're Jawa Malay, Minang Malay, Bugis Malay, Rawa Malay, uncertain Malay and other ethnic Malays who, according to the same study, came much later (though earlier than the Banglas). As first comers, Kelantanese certainly deserves some privileges. Like RM 200 instead of RM100. And oil royalty.

4.Thinking Tanking

Do you know that there's a Malaysian Malay Professional Thinkers Organization or Persatuan Pemikir Profesional Melayu Malaysia? No, it's not a scam or spam. It's a bona fide NGO led by a prominent professor. With a convenient catch-all name, this NGO has taken on a wide spectrum of local issues ranging from the serious ones like the UMNO-PAS merger to semi-serious ones like nasi lemak at school canteens. I've nothing against NGOs, they're fine and useful as a concept. But how do you get to be a member of this exalted NGO? Any minimum qualification? Can a non-thinking professional like Carlos Tevez be a member? No. He's born in Argentina. Fair enough. Then how about a hard thinking but non-professional retiree born in Kelantan?

5. Readers' Ripostes

As a redundant retiree, I've all the time and space for news and stories on my Yahoo! homepage. Politics, sports, music, health, archaeology, whatever. And I love readers' comments. They're clever, whimsical and, at times, coarse. Plenty of wit and humour and misspellings. Follow the ongoing slugfest among the US presidential hopefuls. Readers are having a field day ripping into their gaffes, flubs and faux pas. And why not. Mrs Bachmann wished Elvis happy birthday on the anniversary of his death. Amidst howls of "idiot, go away etc", one reader coolly suggested " Elvis doesn't care, why should we". One reader thought Mitt Romney is a moron (he's actually Mormon). Rocked by sexual harassment claims, Herman Cain badly botched an interview. Asked on Libya, he simply bumbled and failed to muster anything coherent. One reader suspected that Cain mistook Libya for labia. Brilliant.

Lembaran Terakhir: Ahmad Jais (1936-2011)

The first time I heard "Di Ambang Sore" over the old Radio Malaysia in 1965, I'd to catch my breath. The melody, the music, the lines, just blended and melted into one supreme and sublime song. On a scale of 1 to 10, it's 11. And that pure, flawless voice simply swept me away with all of its unrestrained and surging smoothness. Barely twelve, I fell for Ahmad Jais and his serenades of love and loss. "Sejuk senja ku nantikan, namun dikau tiada datang". Who wouldn't.

Those who'd summarily dismissed him as another one-or-three-hit wonder were left to rue as Ahmad Jais brand flourished. And how: 15 benchmark albums, 100 timeless tunes, and countless kudos. His legions of lovers, drawn in equal measure by his unprententious persona, grew fast, far and wide, which was quite a feat in those dark and dreary days without YouTube, Facebook and Masterchef. Some of his ardent admirers grew up swooning over his signature staples like "Gelisah" and "Sumpah Setia" to become accomplished lawmakers, professors and even ministers.

Ahmad Jais made no attempt to emulate P Ramlee because he knew enough he could never rival the versatility and virtuosity of the only genius this country has ever produced. So he remained Ahmad Jais, and rightly so. But his lush vocals and lovely ballads stood out in a vibrant local music scene dominated by nonsensical and insanely commercial pop yeh yeh largely blamed for giving us paranormal and forgettable tunes like "Si Cincin Emas" and "Ngalompak A go go". To be fair pop yeh yeh did have its inspiring moments with creative forces like A Romzi and The Hooks (the slap bass on "Sengsara" had more chops than Red Hot Chili Peppers, ha ha ha), but that's about all. Nothing came close to Ahmad Jais, the master crooner. During my Tiger Lane days, his songs provided the occasional solace and deviation from the gruelling demands of chemistry experiments and dull afternoon debates.

For those pining for a Malaysian equivalent of Indonesian doyens like S Effendy, the wait was over with Ahmad Jais. They did collaborate at one time, a testament to the high respect and recognition the two leading lights had of each other (listen to "Jumpa Mesra"). The Indonesian music has since progressed so much that none of their talents could find any motivation to work with their struggling Malaysian counterparts until very recently: when artistes on both sides descended into artistic travesty by labelling each other "diva". While Indonesia has practically stopped the flow of its maids into Malaysia, its divas continue to fly into KL to link up with local divas for live gigs, promotional blitz, and, yes, more money. And with new maids now being offered higher pay, medical, rest days and singing lessons, Malaysian households will soon be getting their own divas. Sorry for digressing.

Ahmad Jais's melodic and lyrical style finally hit its best-by date and succumbed under relentless assault from the newer and noisier genres in the 80s. You know, the rockish, rappish and rubbish variety. Regraded as nostalgia and esoteric, his songs rule Radio Klasik (FM 87.7 in KL) and retain a cult following, mainly those at "Di Ambang Sore", so to speak. This fiercely passionate crowd just refuse to let go or move on, and to them the songs are as fresh as they're 40 years ago. The iPod generation may argue that Ahmad Jais lacks the musical complexity and artistry of, say, Yuna or Gaga. Well, to each his own, and stupid is as stupid does, as the saying goes.

Ahmad Jais passed away Tuesday, 11 October 2011, at 75, leaving a rich legacy of endearing and evergreen songs. I've more than 50 in my drawer, each and every one is a veritable treat and treasure. One or two my two school-going girls should be able to (sarcastically) hum along by now due to my frequent late-night airings. He's no longer with us, but his renditions will continue to calm our nerves and liven up our daily blight and grind. "Jinak merpati makan di tangan, jangan dikurung di sangkar hati". You'll break down and cry.

What's more befitting than closing this encomium with his definitive number. But which one? It's never easy to pick out. They're all so bewilderingly beautiful, each with its own personal mood and character. I've to choose at random. So here's "Seloka Kasih":

Bermadah puan lembut alunan, terpikat hamba dik halus budi.
Jinaklah hamba di taman hatimu, benarkah puan cinta padaku.

Bila mata bertentang mata, kelunya lidah untuk berkata.
Jangan diturut katanya hati, kelak nanti merana diri.

Manis madah mu tersusun rapi, terbayang jugak wajah berseri.
Mulut tak hangus berkata api, memang tak nampak sakit di hati.

Kilas mata ikan di air, sudah kutau jantan betina.
Bukan mudah jadi penyair, lagunya ada pantun tak kena.

Seloka puan bijak bistari, terpaut sudah si anak muda.
Kuharap luka sembuh kembali, walaupun parutnya tetap ada.

Kalau pandai meniti buih, selamatlah nanti badan ke seberang.
Siapakah serik bermain kasih, walaupun dia di tangan orang.