My
blog clocked up its 20,000th pageview early last month. With an average
of one posting a month, it took me about 14 months to get my second
10,000. I don't have the industry average, but 10,000 of anything in 14
months is very slow. More than 15,000 fake ICs were "issued" in 14
months. Subang Jaya exit funnels out 10,000 cars in one morning. Only
KLIA 2 is slower.
Lots of numbers, and why not? Datuk
Zaid Ibrahim racked up 10,000 views in one evening last July when he
wrote in defence of the four troubled Malay beauty queen aspirants.
According to him, Malaysia is a model democracy and these girls should
be free to "maximize their talent". Allowing the word talent a generous
metaphorical context, it's hard to argue with the logic because we
didn't lift a finger when hundreds of other Malay girls with no talent
tried to maximize their talent through Akademi Fantasia.
I
knew Zaid. We used to share a swanky 20-bed dormitory forty over years
ago. Thing is, he never talked about democracy or beauty queens at the
time. So I can only conclude that he wrote the blasphemous piece just to
get 10,000 views, which he got, plus 130 comments. Many were up in
arms, suggesting that he immediately repent. One comment urged him to
perform the Haj because he's rich. If he registered with Tabung Haji
today, he should be able to do it in 2048.
My most
viewed entry drew a paltry 900, a post on a family trip to Paris and a
brush with the gypsies. The relatively high traffic could be due to a
picture of a nude castle we visited, one of the 10,400 known castles in
France. Unsuspecting online junkies searching for vintage French wines
or fake Longchamps or Last Tango in Paris DVD could have been steered into my blog. I don't really know.
A post on
Malaysia-Indonesia spats had a surprisingly good outing with 800 views. I
know Indonesia has 200, maybe 400, million people, but none of them can
speak or read English. They didn't read my blog. So who read the blog?
Apparently the Americans. The statistics showed more than 70% of those
who viewed this particular posting were from US. Why this abnormal American
interest? Even with my strong sense of deduction developed over eight
seasons of Monk, I still couldn't unlock this mystery. I finally found
the answer recently: White House was hacking into my blog to snoop on
both Malaysia and Indonesia. Bugging my blog is a lot cheaper than
flying drones.
At this rate, I'd need another 100 years
to get 1 million views. Maybe longer. Nowadays nobody read anything.
Even if they read, they'd read no more than 10 words at one time. Blogs
are losing their edge. Not because Papagomo is in jail, but because tweets and texts are much easier to read. They technically contain no words. David Beckham's recent illiterate
tweet to Manchester United fans "Youre team are loosing very bad to
Manchester City" was read by two million followers. Art is
succumbing to anarchy.
In this state of flux, some
bloggers take the easy way out by resigning to writing for themselves or watching
Azhar Idrus on YouTube. Like flagging brands, bloggers must reimagine
and reinvent to remain competitive. Misleading titles like the above is a
good start.
:)
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