Chelsea, Chelsea, Champions

So Chelsea are the EPL Champions for the 2009/10 season, by a whisker. What a breathless build-up to a cliff-edge conclusion. Chelsea took the title with just a single point ahead of Manchester United aka the world's most valuable brand aka the world's most debt-stricken football club. The rollercoaster season began with Spurs pretending at the top before the usual suspects Chelsea, Man U and Arsenal took turns and restored the normalcy of a three-horse trick. In the four-week finale, Chelsea held a slight advantage but Man U, with lady luck forever on its side (injury-time goals, dubious penalties), could still nip in. Both teams finished with a flourish, scoring a dozen goals. But Chelsea ruled. Arsenal hung on to third and Wenger blamed Blackburn, Gordon Brown and everybody except himself. Spurs finished fourth and celebrated like they'd won the World Cup. Shameless Shebby Singh, Malaysia's only known Spurs supporter, cried live on Astro after that clincher over moneybags Man City. My former boss Jan, a fierce Spurs supporter and unapologetic Man U basher, must be brimming with double delight. Did he also break down in tears? Not in this world.

Am I happy that Chelsea are the champions? Yes and yes. I'm not a Chelsea fan or fancier. But Man U with Sir Alex and his attack dog Gary Neville just turn me off (understatement). So between the two, my preference for the title is a no-brainer. A former office mate, Ramzul, happens to be a hard-core Man U fan, and there's been some kind of running war of words going on between him and another office mate, Anuar (not Anuar the VP). Don't guess which side I'm on. These verbal skirmishes have been a fertile ground for Man U bashing. Our modus operandi is simple and ingenious. Anuar and I would SMS or text each other (with a copy to Ramzul every time) snide and snappy comments about Man U, especially when they lose. We had a field day when Man U were bumped off by Bayern Munich in the Champions League. So the final and deciding Chelsea/Wigan and Man U/Stoke games on Sunday were a huge motivation for us to taunt and attack Ramzul, who doggedly believed that Man U still had a chance. (At the same time KL was abuzz with Thomas and Uber Cups preliminaries featuring make-weights German, Peru etc.) Sensing that Wigan were just a piece of cake for Chelsea, we drew the first blood. Anuar lobbed an SMS (copy to Ramzul) and I returned (copy to Ramzul), and fierce exchanges followed until the game ended. Highlights:

Anuar: Nak tengok ke Chelsea game ni? Macam tak ada makna aje....It's not academic. It's history.
Me: Yeah, watching Uber Cup is better, the girls slugging it out, more meaningful...
Anuar: Chelsea two goals up, can somebody tell the referee to stop the Man U/Stoke game...
Me: Don't, Man U are also two goals up. If they score eight goals, they might be champions...
Anuar: Even eighty goals is meaningless. Please stop the game........
Me: No, they've to keep playing and scoring goals. Sir Alex says Man U can carry forward the goals to next season, and start the first game next season with goals in hand. Then they don't have to wait until 95th minute to get the goal.....
At this point, Ramzul just couldn't take it any more, and jumped in:
Ramzul: Glory, glory Manchester Utd....
Anuar: Geli, geli.....
Ramzul: Man U are runners up even without Ronaldo, just unlucky to lose to Bayern, Wayne Rooney the top scorer, Glory, glory...
Anuar: Sir Alex wants to propose that Man U play in the World Cup....
Me: And become runners up again?......Felda Utd. is better.
Ramzul: Glory, glory, Reds march on and on.....glory glory
(Ramzul fired this SMS five times in quick succession to jam up our cell phones)
Me: Chelsea are six goals up. Gory, gory, Anuar you better take leave tomorrow or buy special
insurance......
Anuar: Glory, glory now gory, gory?.....
Me: Gory, gory when Ramzul sees you tomorrow....
Anuar: Eight goals now, I'll take two-week leave....
Ramzul: Man U till I die. Glory, glory. You know nothing about football. Go watch Thomas Cup....

Lots of fun. Ramzul would win a Man U supporter of the year award hands down. I stayed up until 2 am to watch the Chelsea celebration. Real spectacle, footballers dancing and prancing, showing off their wives and kids to the world. And why not? Football now is very much a family thing. With a contract running at RM500,000 a week, the wife has to be interested. I'm not sure what to make of two-timing Terry hugging his suffering wife. Fake? Farce? Who knows. Maybe Ramzul is right after all. Football is complicated now. Badminton is easier.