This is no time to be old.
I'm on the sharp end of the pandemic, living dangerously every day to fight another day. The writings can't be starker. I'm easy pickings for the virus. I've to wash my hands one hundred times. And I can't touch my nose.
Suddenly staying home is so sexy. Like quantum physics, staying home is easy in theory. How do you fight the void and tedium? There's no English football, or any football, anywhere. But I still have to pay Astro in full and on time. And what do I get in return? Cynical reruns of old Star Wars and Die Hard franchises. Even in these difficult times there's no let-up in monopolist's penchant for extortion.
I'm on the sharp end of the pandemic, living dangerously every day to fight another day. The writings can't be starker. I'm easy pickings for the virus. I've to wash my hands one hundred times. And I can't touch my nose.
Suddenly staying home is so sexy. Like quantum physics, staying home is easy in theory. How do you fight the void and tedium? There's no English football, or any football, anywhere. But I still have to pay Astro in full and on time. And what do I get in return? Cynical reruns of old Star Wars and Die Hard franchises. Even in these difficult times there's no let-up in monopolist's penchant for extortion.
I can't travel anywhere. I can no longer run in the evening. Running outside now is riskier than rock climbing. You'll be hit with RM 1000 or you'll be hit by a drunk driver, or both. So I'm mostly static now. Man, soon I'll be fat with fat.
A kind friend urged me to pick up guitar-playing, a low-energy pastime. According to him, in two weeks I should be able to play Evil Ways. My mother had rightly cautioned me against any artistic pursuit. The way I wailed, she knew I had neither talent nor patience. I think I'll stay with crosswords.
So what's left for an old man all at sea with a 60-year old full-time wife. Not much if I'm honest. The situation is still delicate and uncertain. The virus is still lurking. This so-called Restricted Movement is Wuhan Lockdown in all but name It could go on for many more months, or even years if you were gloomy enough. But I've full faith in hard-working scientists and medical researchers. I look up to these people simply because I failed my Form Five Chemistry. Pretty soon a cure or a vaccine or a new diet will be discovered and this pandemic would go the way of Typhoid, Mumps, Dodos etc.
Once the dust has settled and we're all clear, we'd all look back "fondly" on the pandemic period. Vivid images and memories of face masks, PPEs, long lines, road blocks, GrabFood, Covid statistics, Nepalese with thermometer guns, Ismail Sabri, Ismail Sabri's shirts etc would stream back, even with a nudge of nostalgia. And, don't forget, the new jargon and phrases that come with the virus. No sensible person would wish for a crisis and catastrophe, but when it comes, it'll invariably bring along its own glossary of wacky words and phrases.
During the infamous 13 May riots, the buzzword was "Curfew". This was 1969, so stop laughing. I was digging deep in a boarding school at Tiger Lane, in Ipoh. We were locked in, or was it locked up? Social media and foodpanda were a long, long way off, so news and food flew in at the speed of steamship - tardy and patchy. I heard KL was burning, and Ipoh town could be next. Good thing food was available at our dining hall and on the table at every mealtime. It was food only in concept, but it was available. So we survived.
In the thick of all this confusion, I learned the word "Curfew”. Agreed it’s not as glitzy as present day's "Big Data" or "Asymptomatic", but quite a milestone for me. I'd come all the way from Kelantan with a paltry English vocabulary. Those days Kelantan was drug-free and peace-loving and people moved and married as they liked. So the word and context of “Curfew” wasn't that easy for me to imagine.
Remember the MH 370 tragedy in 2014? At the height of the search and rescue maneuvers, I learned the word "Ping". Nothing elegant, but it's new to me. It's not related to any of the 153 Chinese passengers. "Ping" is satellite signal, and it's countable. One "Ping", two "Pings", a dozen "Pings", as many as you'd like to count.
So what would be the stand-out words and phrases during this pandemic? Too many to tally, if you asked me. The Corona crisis bearing hard on us now is a whole new ballgame, a black swan of sorts. So the lexicon is understandably long, diverse and colourful. Some are scientific and impossible to understand, you know, terms like R0, Intubation, Mak Cik Kiah. There are straightforward ones like Lockdown, Swab, Tabligh Cluster, which need very little explanation. The lengthy and mouthful phrases have been strategically reduced to harmless-looking initials (PKP, PKPB, PKPP, WFH) to lull us into thinking that it's not a Lockdown. While the rest are catchy or rhyming expressions like Flattening the Curve, New Normal, Lives vs Livelihoods. "Curfew" is decidedly old-school and out-of-date.
With plenty of time on my hands, I've been poring over, reflecting and mentally rating these words. You've to believe this. I've whittled down the long list to seven for you and ranked them on a scale of 1 and 10, where 10 is "Good" and 1 is "Not Good". The rating is based on impact, sustainability and all-round ability to delight and inspire in challenging times.
Let me remind you, I did the rating. And the way I rated it, it's either 10 (Good) or 1 (Not Good), nothing between, so I've to be firm and bloody-minded. It's unscientific, unconventional and biased because I’m skewed by my tastes, my experience, my mood, my wife. Let's begin:
New Normal (1) This phrase is show-offish, clichéd, overused, overrated and utterly uninspiring.
A kind friend urged me to pick up guitar-playing, a low-energy pastime. According to him, in two weeks I should be able to play Evil Ways. My mother had rightly cautioned me against any artistic pursuit. The way I wailed, she knew I had neither talent nor patience. I think I'll stay with crosswords.
So what's left for an old man all at sea with a 60-year old full-time wife. Not much if I'm honest. The situation is still delicate and uncertain. The virus is still lurking. This so-called Restricted Movement is Wuhan Lockdown in all but name It could go on for many more months, or even years if you were gloomy enough. But I've full faith in hard-working scientists and medical researchers. I look up to these people simply because I failed my Form Five Chemistry. Pretty soon a cure or a vaccine or a new diet will be discovered and this pandemic would go the way of Typhoid, Mumps, Dodos etc.
Once the dust has settled and we're all clear, we'd all look back "fondly" on the pandemic period. Vivid images and memories of face masks, PPEs, long lines, road blocks, GrabFood, Covid statistics, Nepalese with thermometer guns, Ismail Sabri, Ismail Sabri's shirts etc would stream back, even with a nudge of nostalgia. And, don't forget, the new jargon and phrases that come with the virus. No sensible person would wish for a crisis and catastrophe, but when it comes, it'll invariably bring along its own glossary of wacky words and phrases.
During the infamous 13 May riots, the buzzword was "Curfew". This was 1969, so stop laughing. I was digging deep in a boarding school at Tiger Lane, in Ipoh. We were locked in, or was it locked up? Social media and foodpanda were a long, long way off, so news and food flew in at the speed of steamship - tardy and patchy. I heard KL was burning, and Ipoh town could be next. Good thing food was available at our dining hall and on the table at every mealtime. It was food only in concept, but it was available. So we survived.
In the thick of all this confusion, I learned the word "Curfew”. Agreed it’s not as glitzy as present day's "Big Data" or "Asymptomatic", but quite a milestone for me. I'd come all the way from Kelantan with a paltry English vocabulary. Those days Kelantan was drug-free and peace-loving and people moved and married as they liked. So the word and context of “Curfew” wasn't that easy for me to imagine.
Remember the MH 370 tragedy in 2014? At the height of the search and rescue maneuvers, I learned the word "Ping". Nothing elegant, but it's new to me. It's not related to any of the 153 Chinese passengers. "Ping" is satellite signal, and it's countable. One "Ping", two "Pings", a dozen "Pings", as many as you'd like to count.
So what would be the stand-out words and phrases during this pandemic? Too many to tally, if you asked me. The Corona crisis bearing hard on us now is a whole new ballgame, a black swan of sorts. So the lexicon is understandably long, diverse and colourful. Some are scientific and impossible to understand, you know, terms like R0, Intubation, Mak Cik Kiah. There are straightforward ones like Lockdown, Swab, Tabligh Cluster, which need very little explanation. The lengthy and mouthful phrases have been strategically reduced to harmless-looking initials (PKP, PKPB, PKPP, WFH) to lull us into thinking that it's not a Lockdown. While the rest are catchy or rhyming expressions like Flattening the Curve, New Normal, Lives vs Livelihoods. "Curfew" is decidedly old-school and out-of-date.
With plenty of time on my hands, I've been poring over, reflecting and mentally rating these words. You've to believe this. I've whittled down the long list to seven for you and ranked them on a scale of 1 and 10, where 10 is "Good" and 1 is "Not Good". The rating is based on impact, sustainability and all-round ability to delight and inspire in challenging times.
Let me remind you, I did the rating. And the way I rated it, it's either 10 (Good) or 1 (Not Good), nothing between, so I've to be firm and bloody-minded. It's unscientific, unconventional and biased because I’m skewed by my tastes, my experience, my mood, my wife. Let's begin:
New Normal (1) This phrase is show-offish, clichéd, overused, overrated and utterly uninspiring.
When our PM triumphantly declared that “we’ll be living with the new normal in the coming months or even years.....” he went at length and took pains to expound this new-found notion with layman examples. Well, the intent is noble enough. His manner and body language reinforced his belief that he’d firmly hit the nail on the head with the fancy phrase.
I don’t know who wrote the script, but I’m sure he was underestimating us. There’s nothing new about New Normal. It‘s a tired phrase used over and over again for the past twenty years, maybe longer. Hordes of economists and similar dismal scientists have been bandying about this catch-all cover to mitigate their failures.
It was New Normal after 9/11, it was New Normal after 2008 sub-prime meltdown, it was New Normal after the Russian mob bought Chelsea in 2003, it was New Normal after PH took over. After PH imploded, it was New Old Normal.
It was New Normal after 9/11, it was New Normal after 2008 sub-prime meltdown, it was New Normal after the Russian mob bought Chelsea in 2003, it was New Normal after PH took over. After PH imploded, it was New Old Normal.
If the idea is to rally and inspire, recycling a tired phrase won’t cut through. It could even backfire. The term now carries with it an uncanny sense of surrender and submission. Try something fresh. Like what? Like one-off RM 10,000 for every honest and hard-working retiree like me.
Back-door Government (1) What? I understand your concern. This catch-line isn't in any way related to or brought on by the virus. It only had the misfortune of appearing right on the cusp of the outbreak, so it qualifies and sneaks into my list. Argue if you must but, remember, this is my list.
Front-liners (10) In this dark and dangerous chapter, this simple term shines through and captures our imagination. It’s more figurative than literal. But it conveys its intent with depth, style and precision. The word rightly forces us to view this whole pandemic as a collective battle, with some of us choosing to fight right in-front and head-on.
Somehow this term has its flip side. For every good front-liner, there’s a bad front-liner lurking. These literal front-liners queue up at Tesco one full hour before opening. Their sole function in life and death is to empty the store shelves and stock up their kitchens with two lifetimes' continuous supply.
Highly driven and biologically bent, they get a lot of psychological satisfaction from the mundane act of depriving others. I can’t compete with this tribe, so they win every time. My breakfast has always been an all-bread affair. I had to go gluten-free for two weeks until Gardenia finally ramped up production.
Highly driven and biologically bent, they get a lot of psychological satisfaction from the mundane act of depriving others. I can’t compete with this tribe, so they win every time. My breakfast has always been an all-bread affair. I had to go gluten-free for two weeks until Gardenia finally ramped up production.
Back-door Government (1) What? I understand your concern. This catch-line isn't in any way related to or brought on by the virus. It only had the misfortune of appearing right on the cusp of the outbreak, so it qualifies and sneaks into my list. Argue if you must but, remember, this is my list.
To be fair, this whatever-you-want-call-it government is managing this pandemic superbly, even better than the front-door variants in the US and Europe. So don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that this government is a Back-door Government or a Back-door Government is "not good". That's still being debated by another forum with no conclusion forthcoming.
What I mean here is simply that Back-door Government, as a terminology and its etymology, is "not good". It's up there with the likes of Banana Republic, Basket Case, Kangaroo Court. In short, it's inelegant, ugly and disheartening. That's all.
If at all we need to name it, use other name or phrase. Maybe something French like Tour de force or Hors d'oeuvres. I know French is difficult to pronounce without appearing uneducated and corrupt, but that's exactly the intent.
Self-isolate (1) This is one of the hundreds of pandemic protocols, initially for those who’d just returned from overseas, including Sarawak. These returnees were asked to “self-isolate” for at least fourteen days. I can understand the fourteen days bit, but what's upsetting was the way this mild-mannered and pedestrian word or phrase has taken on a life of its own and grown in stature.
Today it's fashionable to self-isolate. Tom Hanks self-isolates. Idris Elba self-isolates. Prince Charles rather happily self-isolates with the Duchess. Boris Johnson initially self-isolated, but was later treated and possibly ventilated and even rebranded.
Even our own embattled PM had to self-isolate. In theory he should've been holing up alone in an aircond room somewhere. It's a dandy time for him to relax, reflect and write poems, away from breakneck politics. But with no drone to track his movements, he could've conceivably walked over to Speedmart or Mydin to buy groceries and meet with his scientists to plot his way forward. With recent revelation of conspiracy conversations, maybe it's safer to meet in supermarkets than in Putrajaya.
Social Distancing (10) Highly original, imaginative and joyful phrase to come out of this pandemic. At first glance you might mistake it for "Social Dancing", which is what it looks like in practice: a choreography of people lining up at equal intervals, each nodding and jabbing at their mobile phone. This phrase is so elegant and poetic that I’m drooling with delight.
Even our own embattled PM had to self-isolate. In theory he should've been holing up alone in an aircond room somewhere. It's a dandy time for him to relax, reflect and write poems, away from breakneck politics. But with no drone to track his movements, he could've conceivably walked over to Speedmart or Mydin to buy groceries and meet with his scientists to plot his way forward. With recent revelation of conspiracy conversations, maybe it's safer to meet in supermarkets than in Putrajaya.
Social Distancing (10) Highly original, imaginative and joyful phrase to come out of this pandemic. At first glance you might mistake it for "Social Dancing", which is what it looks like in practice: a choreography of people lining up at equal intervals, each nodding and jabbing at their mobile phone. This phrase is so elegant and poetic that I’m drooling with delight.
Not only that. Its Malay version “Penjarakan Sosial” is equally exquisite. The first time it hit me, I’d to pause and think. Then it all made sense. The phrase is so likeable and impactful that almost everyone seems to understand, agree and just comply without complaint.
If there's one positive outcome of this pandemic, it's "Social Distancing". My young daughter's daily commute to her office requires a one-hour LRT each way. She'd come back every evening joyless and worn out from trying to keep a decent, odour-free distance form the next person. With "Social Distancing" she comes back home full and fresh with enough energy left to think, talk, eat etc. Make "Social Distancing" a law now, please.
Do you notice a tinge of oxymoron in “Social Distancing”? There’s a slight contradiction in “Social” and “Distancing”, adding to its charm like the proverbial icing o the cake.
Stay at Home (1) I'm not saying "Stay At Home" is not good per se. Everyone knows "Stay At Home" is good, except, maybe, Donald Trump. "Stay At Home" is not good only because "Stay Home" is better. Why say "Stay at Home" when "Stay Home" can do the job.
"Stay Home" is crisp, faster, more dramatic, not to mention more economical (two letters less). If you write it ten times, you'd save twenty letters. That's a lot of money if you're CEO of a GLC. It looks even more forceful and expressive when paired as "Stay Safe, Stay Home".
You'd accuse me of being petty and pedantic, I know.
If there's one positive outcome of this pandemic, it's "Social Distancing". My young daughter's daily commute to her office requires a one-hour LRT each way. She'd come back every evening joyless and worn out from trying to keep a decent, odour-free distance form the next person. With "Social Distancing" she comes back home full and fresh with enough energy left to think, talk, eat etc. Make "Social Distancing" a law now, please.
Do you notice a tinge of oxymoron in “Social Distancing”? There’s a slight contradiction in “Social” and “Distancing”, adding to its charm like the proverbial icing o the cake.
Stay at Home (1) I'm not saying "Stay At Home" is not good per se. Everyone knows "Stay At Home" is good, except, maybe, Donald Trump. "Stay At Home" is not good only because "Stay Home" is better. Why say "Stay at Home" when "Stay Home" can do the job.
"Stay Home" is crisp, faster, more dramatic, not to mention more economical (two letters less). If you write it ten times, you'd save twenty letters. That's a lot of money if you're CEO of a GLC. It looks even more forceful and expressive when paired as "Stay Safe, Stay Home".
You'd accuse me of being petty and pedantic, I know.
Gig Economy (10) I've saved the best for last. This is an absolute beauty, a winner and a top, top drawer. As an Economics student, I was forced to learn hundreds of technical terminologies, and the likes of Big Mac Index, Sweezy's Kink and Creative Destruction, are truly delightful. But Gig Economy is so scandalously clever and edgy. It takes my breath away.
The name isn't derived from the word "gigolo", sorry to disappoint you, but a gigolo is pretty much part of Gig Economy. It dates back to to the early jazz musicians performing and paid on per gig basis.
The idea isn't new, but the name is new. Whoever coined it must be highly literate, probably a Rhodes Scholar or a Chicago economist, and certainly not a Malaysian politician. A Malaysian politician would've gone for something as dispiritingly unimaginative as Najibomics.
In Malaysia, Gig Economy has long been the domain of Ah Longs, get-rich-quick scammers and heartless maid traffickers. Highly independent and flexible, these players operate underground, pay zero income tax and enjoy free medical services at all government hospitals, just like you and me. They're still around and prospering with the pandemic. Only you don't see them.
With the relentless growth of e-hailing and online retailing, Gig Economy has snowballed like nobody's business. The way it's operated now, it's nobody's business. With the mainstream economy tailspinning in the wake of the pandemic, Gig Economy has stepped in to fill in the blank.
The new crop of Gig players are 100% legit and very visible. You see them in action, cutting in and out of the traffic and running the red lights at will just to deliver your goods or food in record time. The government has just announced a RM 75 million stimulus to support and encourage these people. Be afraid.
The name isn't derived from the word "gigolo", sorry to disappoint you, but a gigolo is pretty much part of Gig Economy. It dates back to to the early jazz musicians performing and paid on per gig basis.
The idea isn't new, but the name is new. Whoever coined it must be highly literate, probably a Rhodes Scholar or a Chicago economist, and certainly not a Malaysian politician. A Malaysian politician would've gone for something as dispiritingly unimaginative as Najibomics.
In Malaysia, Gig Economy has long been the domain of Ah Longs, get-rich-quick scammers and heartless maid traffickers. Highly independent and flexible, these players operate underground, pay zero income tax and enjoy free medical services at all government hospitals, just like you and me. They're still around and prospering with the pandemic. Only you don't see them.
With the relentless growth of e-hailing and online retailing, Gig Economy has snowballed like nobody's business. The way it's operated now, it's nobody's business. With the mainstream economy tailspinning in the wake of the pandemic, Gig Economy has stepped in to fill in the blank.
The new crop of Gig players are 100% legit and very visible. You see them in action, cutting in and out of the traffic and running the red lights at will just to deliver your goods or food in record time. The government has just announced a RM 75 million stimulus to support and encourage these people. Be afraid.
