Faliq's Long Call

                             

                             The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers (Shakespeare, Henry VI)

I went to Faliq's Long Call last week and came away inspired. The event, held in a real and physical courtroom before a real and physical judge, was solemn, serious but stylish. It was my first time in a courtroom, so I dared not move or touch my wife for fear of being cited for contempt and assault. One can never be sure.  

How I wish every other profession in Malaysia, especially the critical ones like  teachers, doctors, auditors, and even money changers, had something similar for their respective fraternities. Ceremonies or rituals like this should remind them at every turn of their obligation to stay straight and true to the sanctity of their profession and fellowship, and never to run off the rails, if you know what I mean. But there's still no guarantee, of course, because nothing can come in the way of a mind bent on flouting for big bucks or sheer fun. The Bar Council is still grappling with hundreds of unresolved complaints of lawyer dishonesty and misconducts. Every profession has its share of black sheep.

I remember during my schooldays we had induction ceremonies for the Prefects and the Boy Scouts. While the Prefects oath-taking was a straight and soulless affair, the Boy Scouts  jamboree would be a dusk-to-dawn blowout complete with boisterous sing-alongs, tribal dances and bonfires. I'm sure some non-government organisations, like the Ku Klux Klan, Moscow Mafia and our very own Mamak Gang, have similar rites of passage, maybe slightly grisly, with bits of blood here and there, to drive home the tone and temper of their business. In times of trouble these rough guys often seek the help of lawyers to navigate the ever complex legal and justice system. Gangsters and lawyers coming together for a common cause? Why not.   

Back to Faliq and his so-called Long Call. What's a Long Call to begin with? This moniker was new to me until two weeks ago when Faliq's mom spoke about it with a pinch of pride. I suppose it's just another name for the famous "Call to the Bar". But why did the legal eagles change the name? Probably because of the endless lawyer jokes and jibes.

No other trades have been the subject of more jibes and jokes than the lawyers. Some of these jokes are, admittedly, unfair. The one about an attorney badgering a witness about an autopsy is downright unkind. If "lawyers" alone is fertile enough for the joke makers and midnight comics, imagine "lawyers" and "bar" in the same breath. Anyway, "Call to the Bar" harks back to the British imperial days, and now that our judges have dumped all wigs and kilts for good,  Long Call is the right call.

So there he was, Faliq, sitting fourth in a row of fifteen new lawyers, all looking sharp in a bright, colourful combination of .... black and white. These good-looking guys had just completed their nine-month mandatory training or tutelage called chambering (probably alluding to torture chamber ha ha), at various legal houses. This training is the equivalent of housemanship for the doctors or hard labour for political detainees. Chambering or housemanship or what, these interns all had to slog away 23 hours a day.

Looking at them now, I could almost feel their deep and sweet burst of pride, relief and freedom. One look and I know they're all looking forward to some sleep. But before that they've to gather here today to be "admitted as advocates and solicitors to the High Court of Malaya". I hope I got it right because I'm just parroting what was proclaimed by the master of ceremony.  But I can confirm it was "Malaya", not Malaysia. Does this mean Faliq is allowed to ply his trade in Kota Bharu, but not in, say, Lahad Datu? I've to check with him on this and will let you know.

The session started sharp as scheduled, at 9 am. The presiding judge was Dato' Nordin Hassan, a KL High Court judge, a youngish and pleasant-looking Yang Arif, completely the opposite of the mental image I'd formed on the way to the court this morning. My wife swore she'd seen him on Astro talking to Neelofa. Watching too much TV can be harmful.
 
Finally it was Faliq's turn. My heart skipped a beat when his name was called. He'd have to come forward and stand up for his parents, the judge and all in attendance to see. What a heart-soaring moment, something to savour and treasure for a long time. I could still picture him screaming and scampering with  Aida (my daughter, his cousin) 20 years ago. Man, how time flies.

The drill was elaborate, and even strange for a layperson like me. It started with a senior practising lawyer stepping forward to propose Faliq for admission to the High Court. For this purpose, Faliq was referred to as a "Petitioner", and the senior lawyer a "Mover".  The Mover would then officially greet Faliq's parents and proceed with a rundown on Faliq's credentials, background and achievements.

By tradition, the parents had to stand up for the introduction, which  I supposed wasn't a problem for this healthy and romantic couple who were used to hours of standing and watering their plants together back home. They were beaming and basking in the glory of witnessing their son on the cusp of a new journey. 

The Mover ended his part with a formal proposal for admission and the judge consented, without any objection from the AG office, the Bar Council and, I supposed, the audience. Finally a more senior lawyer (called a Master, for some reason) was invited by the Mover to hang a ceremonial robe or gown on Faliq. With that, Faliq was officially admitted to the High Court of Malaya as an advocate and solicitor. No cheering or whistling or high-fives, of course.

What does all this exactly mean? It means Faliq is now a full-blown lawyer and he may go to any court to argue before any judge in Malaya, wherever or whatever Malaya is. 

If you follow court cases you'd appreciate the indispensable role of lawyers on both sides of the bench. I love most the sight of lawyers coming out of the courtroom all pumped up like a sure winner when piles of evidence are stacked against their clients. Watching LA Law and Shark, my only conclusion is that lawyers are all clever, confident and highly paid. They lead a glamorous life, dress to kill, and work non-stop with plenty of shouting and swearing and scandals in between. Lawyers, of course, can be hilarious, slapstick and over the top (Jim Carrey in "Liar, Liar"). I think Faliq's parents are in for something much more exciting than weeding and watering plants.

My own personal experience with lawyers is limited to the purchase of my house thirty years ago. We spoke for exactly five minutes and I'd to pay RM 18,000. I'm not sure whether this is good or bad. Maybe it's good that I don't need lawyers because it can only mean that I've not been accused of money laundering. But it also means that I'm not rich and successful enough, because rich and successful people normally keep a long list of lawyers to speak for them.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not implying that rich and successful people commit crimes or anything like that. They're just too busy with whatever they're doing and they've so little time left. So they need lawyers to speak to tax people, Sarawak Report, Malaysiakini etc. Donald Trump, for example, retains hundreds of white lawyers to stave off his sex accusers. Dato Seri Najib retains a team of six or seven lawyers to handle all those criminal charges. His lead lawyer in turn hires another six or seven lawyers to handle his own money laundering case. This lawyer hiring another lawyer is unique to the legal industry. You won't find a plumber hiring another plumber to do plumbing for him.

Sorry for digressing. It's hard to concentrate when you're over 50. I'm 66.

Now back to our new advocate and solicitor of the High Court of Malaya. But, before that,  let's not bother with Shakespeare. He's dull, and dead. Probably doped, too. Lawyers rock and rule. It's hard to find a more versatile, literate, diverse and determined group of professionals than the lawyers. Mahatma Gandhi, Barack Obama, Syed Saddiq, Azwan Ali, Siti Kasim, to name but a few. They're out there, breaking new grounds and making a difference. And now Faliq. 

I'm all bullish and upbeat because I can really feel Faliq's potential and promise. He can be what he wants to be. I'm not saying this because I'm related to his parents and all the good food that suddenly appeared whenever I dropped by. I've a prima facie evidence to support my proposition. Faliq was part of the UiTM Team that represented Malaysia in a world moot court competition in Washington last year. I'm not sure what this competition is all about, but I know it's not a singing competition.  The team didn't win, but he's accomplished what most aspiring lawyers can only dream of. 

Faliq has just started and I don't know what his long-term plans and goals are. Is he going to be a famous trial lawyer? Is he going to get married next year? Will his gorgeous parents continue to water their award-winning garden? It's early days, and he's not forthcoming. But I'm pitching him for AG when Tommy finally calls it quits in 2050.